Let the good times roll

So I have been an active blog reader for about 2 years now. I've read the good (www.jasonmulgrew.com), the bad (www.huffingtonpost.com), and the ugly (www.hotchickswithdouchebags.com) . I know, I know - late to the phenomenon. I'm not exactly an early adapter. I like to let all the tech dorks spend their hard earned cash on $500 gadgets that, if successful, will cost $200 down the line. Or more like $50. For reals, I actually bought my first VCR in 2000. I told my brother about how excited I was to have a VCR finally, and he said, "Welcome to the 80's, monkey boy".

Why then must I start something like a blog that at this point is so overdone, so cliche, so, I don't know, 2005? Simply put - Chimpy See, Chimpy Do. It's just too tempting; I don't like being OUT OF THE GAME, as they say. The nature of this beast shall be to observe all of you, and myself, and fling it all online and see what sticks. Too (two?) many metaphors there? I guess I'll have to be my own police. The metaphor, it beckons like a cheap harlot at last call in the LES. You want to use her, it's really convenient and you don't have anything better going on. But Madame Metaphor will just leave you empty and lonely. And it might feel like razorblades are coming out when you piss a few days later. So leave the damn metaphors to one per sentence Chimpy!

To keep things fabulously funny, and non-litigious, we'll be using Fake Names in this here blog. Those of you that know me well will be able to see the thinly veiled references, but for the broader audience this blog is sure to attract (by the dozen? by the one?), there will be no knowledge of person referenced. For instance, I am your author, Chimpy. Or Monkey Boy. Or Bonzo. You get the point. My significant other - for there is a second chimp on this davenport - shall be The Girl. Or Beasty McWifey. Or Lil'Cleatis. Ok, not Lil'Cleatis, that's total nonsense. Some other regular characters will be introduced, I'll try to keep their names the same or similar. I like to call them friends, they probably call me the guy that won't stop calling and knows 13 ways to break into their apartments. Semantics.

Mostly though, I am coming after you. That's right, pay attention Douchey McFratboy and Giggles Likesdouches, you Manhattanites are all fair game. Hell, if I venture on the L or F or the Path to a far-flung suburb, I'm coming after you too! It's open season on people that don't get it. Hell hath no fury like a married, smug guy that's mostly bored with his job and is looking to kill thirty odd years until they give him a gold watch and a vacation package for 2 to Palm Beach. Chimpy is watching, and Chimpy is drinking, and then Chimpy is flinging it all for the amusement of self and friends on this here site. Let the games begin.

I'll also ponder some music, some baseball, some college basketball, and maybe the meaning of God and Self sometimes. Keep it light. And if you somehow spot yourself and your inane antics on this site, be glad...you just got your 15 minutes of crappy blog fame.